Showing posts with label JACKSON NIEUWLAND. Show all posts
Showing posts with label JACKSON NIEUWLAND. Show all posts

July 17, 2012

alien summer

1. had a dream that i was married to 'nicholas' (jackson with brown hair) and we got arrested and tried for being illegal aliens in the USA while staying at a bed and breakfast
2. we 'did it' while we were waiting to testify in a room with our lawyers and the other accused people, consisted of him pulling out his penis (definitely jackson's) and rubbing it between us. this made me instantly naked, which was awkward when the judge asked me an impromptu question while 'nicholas' was still on the stand, because i was struggling to put my shirt on (probably difficult because somehow i had put my bra back on outside of it, even though i definitely did that step first) and i had no skirt on
3. woke up really missing jackson, blaming it on this stupid dream


4. who's better, azealia banks or iggy azalea? trick question! they're both NOICE
5. i really like no doubt, idc if 'settle down' is a dumb song, i'm into it
6. try to catch me ever changing the station if 'just a girl' is on the radio, you won't!
7. gwen and tony were my dream couple when i was little, i believed in their love, they should have been together forever :(


8. 1990s gwen stefani will always be my fashion icon, that dress, that hair, those lips

March 21, 2012

can you be lonely 15 hours after you leave the person who makes you feel not lonely

things i've done in that time:
-watched jackson nieuwland's plane leave the gate at the airport
-cried
-left the airport
-pumped gas
-talked to my parents on 'speakerphone'
-drove back to dc
-picked up wine
-bought a top (will always feel like a bad top maybe)
-drove home
-chatted jacob steinberg
-walked to a coffee shop
-ordered/ate a vege sandwich, two iced mochas and some kind of pastry
-read some bad fiction
-chatted jackson nieuwland for ~5 min
-walked home
-turned the light on in my bed area, saw a bug 'scuttling' around inside of it, walked into my living area
-ate string cheese and milk while watching sex and the city's final episode
-didn't change the channel when that 70's show came on
-brushed my teeth
-got in bed
-did things online
-read some of 'i remember' by shane allison, real good
-turned out the lights
-turned them back on to check where jackson nieuwland's plane was on the flight map on united.com
-turned out the lights
-cried
-fell asleep
-woke up ~5 hrs later
-peed (did this other times, this one seems notable i guess)
-saw it was foggy/cold
-thought of going back to sleep
-went on the internet instead
-wrote a blog post

January 28, 2012

a poem in lists

1. it is winter but warm out
2. feeling a bit fucked
3. want to go outside b/c nice out but need to get work done but just procrastinating inside instead
4. is this a list
5. wearing red bra and someone else's basketball jersey as a dress, glasses
6. is it appropriate to go outside like this
7. my life is an anxiety dream
8. been having a good number of those lately
9. tinychatted with ana c, stephen tully dierks and jackson last night, seemed real nice
10. thought 'double date'
11. wanna double date them all
12. my apartment is messy
13. if i open all my windows (3) and clean the whole apartment does that count as being outside and productive

January 15, 2012

things i learn when jackson leaves his homework open on my computer and then i find it when i'm at the library without him

1) every time he means its, jackson writes it's. which is three times in this example, which is 193 words long. that is 3/193 or 1/64 R1 (which doesn't mean anything but seemed worth including since i took the time to do long division on 193/3 with my finger on this desk to see if 193 was divisible by 3) or ~1.6%

2) something i already knew but you might not is that when jackson wants to write words with 'ize' in them he writes 'ise' via being a kiwi. also of note is that kiwis (and perhaps aussies? that part is debatable tbh) say 'zed' instead of 'zee' for the letter z and feel quite vehemently that there is no debating the accuracy of this. it is perhaps true that british fuckers might do this as well.

3) when jackson types on a word document, he uses verdana font size 10.

4) when writing for class, jackson uses scare quotes appropriately.

5) jackson makes the embarrassing error of typing 'many organization such as churches and the railway systems'.

6) really, it seems like a homework assignment about the font gill sans should have been written in gill sans, really.

7) it appears that jackson is still a supporter of the oxford comma.

8) i love you, jackson. [insert overly cute 'vacation photo' of us here.]

January 10, 2012

things i do when i am supposed to be getting work done at the library while jackson is in class:

-read through a lot of facebook stories
-kick off my shoes and rub my feet together like mad to relieve sandfly bites, feel sneaky while doing this
-stare intently at a face on the desk
-gaze wistfully out at the wellington harbor and somes island
-watch clouds 'scuttle' (this is a real thing here, i see these clouds and i think 'scuttle', who am i) across the sky
-read an email from one of my high school teachers about writing a letter of rec for me but during which he comments that 'Facebook tells me that you're madly in love and enjoying life like never before' which makes me feel slightly embarrassed at first and then like i just need to 'own it'
-respond saying i am in love
-read through an old document about my qualifications to work as a tutor for juvenile delinquents in college, feel embarrassed about the level of detail i went into at that time
-transfer photos like this one from my phone to my computer
-feel mildly worried about data rates here and make sure my data plan is still turned off
-label this photo 'jaxboost1.jpg' because there are more to come
-text ben rosamond about meeting up with him in napier tonight
-feel moderate anxiety about driving on the left side of the road in 2-3 hours
-look at the time for the oejfew2-0u0-1th time and wonder if jax will get out of class early so i can stop being so productive
-click edit and tweak things in this post at least 10 times

December 22, 2011

gimme a nickel


jackson took this photo of me when i was drunk and doing the dishes. i found it in my downloads, aptly titled 'bowlcaro.JPG' i almost just took credit for that but then remembered jax is responsible (ehh, actually i'm still not sure hehe.)

December 13, 2011

UP literature

the first issue of UP is on the interwebs, with cover art by the talented mr. miguel rual!


here's a secret bonus poem you won't find in the issue:

Aroha

Gonna hug you.
Gonna kiss you. 
Gonna hickey you.
Gonna fuck you hard.
Gonna nibble your nipples.
Gonna cum down your throat.
Gonna flex my dick inside of you.
Gonna hold your hand inside your vagina.
Gonna smack dat tattoo of my name on your ass

November 30, 2011

white winter hymnal

someone in my building named sarah hauge left her itunes on sharing so i'm listening to her library. i'm listening to skinny love by bon iver. i told people that i would go to the bars with them tonight but i felt hungry during workshop so my friend and i snuck out of the building after class and went home. now i'm in my apartment by myself waiting for jackson to finish shaving his face. he is taking a very long time. i ate a cookie and i've finished most of a beer (yeungling, leftover by dj berndt from the reading at my apartment last week.)

i got the results of my 'annual check-up' today. 'we are pleased to report your recent pap smear is normal. this means no abnormal cells were identified.'

last night i did this test to assess my facial beauty.


i did pretty well on it.

September 13, 2011

FOUR.

jackson nieuwland and i have a chapbook called FOUR through animal pharm press. it is now available to preorder!!! (click the paypal link at the right.) if you preorder, you will get heaps of cool bonus materials hand picked by me.


we love reviewers!!! if you would like to review FOUR, e-mail decarlo.carolyn@gmail.com for a free PDF.

August 5, 2011

Here is an interview I conducted with myself regarding DOWN.

How was DOWN conceived?

Ras. Mashramani and I knew we wanted to start a site together.  The original plan, conceived by Ras., was a site for apocalyptic literature—ours, and others.  But after the rapture, and the advent of Mike Kitchell’s powerful chapbook Arrebato, this theme seemed overplayed.  We sat on it for a while, until one day Ras. asked me if I’d want to collaborate on an erotica site.  I said yes.  Sexuality seemed to run through our poetry, the poetry we’d already posted or submitted to sites like Let People Poems, New Wave Vomit and others.  One of the first things I noticed and admired about Ras.’s poetry was her easy handling of sexual themes and tones.  I can only assume she felt the same, or similarly, about my writing.

After the big decision had been made, we got to work on the details.  I was sitting on my friend’s couch one night when I came up with the name for the website—DOWN—which seemed good to me and to Ras. based on the diversity of things the word ‘down’ could refer to, both containing sexual connotations and not.  The capital letters added a little something special.  It wasn’t long before Jackson Nieuwland created the first ‘DOWN macros,’ which we’ve since used as promotion, that helped me really start to visualize the site.


What was your intention for the site?

Our aim is and always has been to create a good space for poetry that fits a certain niche that often gets overlooked or intentionally skipped over by ‘respectable’ poets and writers.  Poets haven’t been known to shy away from sexual or romantic themes, but at the same time, they’re rarely ‘allowed’ to be sexually explicit.  Bukowski did it, a lot of Spanish-speaking writers are doing it (see Chronos (Loves) Kairos or Tenían Veinte Años y Estaban Locos for examples.) Personally, I think sex, in all its forms, can be seen as poetic—whether it’s pretty or loving or just plain dirty.

How do erotic poems fit with your personal brand or lifestyle?

If you had told me six months ago that I would be spending the summer writing 30+ poems sweepingly categorized as ‘erotica,’ I would have laughed.  I mean, you probably could have convinced me, because it would have seemed like something I would be capable of doing.  But erotic poetry wasn’t on my radar then.  Writing poetry in general wasn’t really on my radar then.  ‘In real life’, I’m an MFA candidate and soon-to-be lecturer at the University of Maryland, and my concentration is fiction.  Six months ago, I would have told you I’d be spending my summer writing a novella (which I’ve also been doing).  Six months ago, I didn’t know who Steve Roggenbuck, Ana C, Blake Butler, Frank Hinton or even Ras. Mashramani were.  I would be lying if I said Tao Lin had been more than a blip on my radar.  My AWP experience in late January barely skirted things like the Lit Party.  I was only just hearing about the online lit scene from Shaun Gannon.  Now, I don’t think anything plays a larger part in my daily life.


As has been publicized, I’m not one to favor public displays of emotion.  Some might call this cold.  Some might see that as conducive to writing about love from a purely physical aspect.  Probably not too many DOWN readers would suspect me of being a romantic—when in reality, I’m one of those saps who runs around grinning and saying things like ‘I love love’ when I fall into it.

So why write it?

Plain and simple, erotica is fun to write.  Most—if not every—adult readers today can relate to these topics.  Overwhelmingly, my friends ‘in real life’ tell me how glad they are to have access to this, because I’m saying everything they wish they had the balls to talk about.  So yes, many people I know can relate—but only some have shown their approval for erotica as poetry.  I find that realistic, and fine with me.  I think some people probably see it as tacky, some don’t find it serious enough.  Some have—with both positive and negative intentions—referred to it as ‘poetry’s version of porn’.

As of right now, my name probably seems fairly synonymous with DOWN in the lit community.  Some lovely articles (by Beach Sloth, Lit Gossip) have even surfaced to this effect, and I appreciate and welcome this attention.  But it seems worth mentioning that erotic poetry is hardly the 'only kind' of writing I do.  Not only has poetry been generally less comfortable a medium for me than fiction, I’ve been working on fiction for far longer.  It feels doubtful to me that all of my subsequent projects will center around the same theme as DOWN.  It feels doubtful that all my future internet writing will even be poetry. So um, stay tuned!


What does the future hold for DOWN?

Ras. and I will continue posting until the first day of autumn, September 23.  At this point, we’ll open up a satellite lit mag (name forthcoming) geared toward submissions from any and all other writers.  A fair amount of interest in submitting has already been expressed, and we’re looking forward to this project when the time arrives.  Ras. and I also intend to create a print version of DOWN from our collective work.  But for now, we’ll just stick to making your summer a little bit hotter, as promised ;)

May 30, 2011

tinychat lief.

last night there was a party on ana c's tinychat after jacob steinberg's one-man ustream extravaganza (which i had to miss due to internet difficulties). luckily, my son invited me to the chat and my friend kelly and i joined in enthusiastically.


here are some things i learned on tinychat:

1. jacob steinberg has a lot to say about argentina, tao lin, internet poetry, scene lief, his exes... basically, JS has a lot to say. i like listening to his voice. i would probably listen to JS talk to himself for at least five hours straight, if he was interested in this kind of thing.

2. two internet relationships blossomed in ana c's tinychat last night. one between JS and david sorensen, who made it fb official, and one between spencer madsen and stacey teague, who are just plain cuties.

3. spencer madsen is a very sound sleeper and looks pretty great doing it.


4. everyone owns bandanas and can put them on at a moment's notice except my friend kelly. improvising with a napkin looks pretty cool but makes your face very hot and prevents you from making gang signs and in the long run just isn't very scene i guess.


5. jackson nieuwland's parents are really keut and his father is like also a talented poet or something.

6. stacey teague lives in the forest and plays on her laptop out there.

7. all new zealanders (kiwis?) are extremely tall and may be referred to as "giants," whereas ana c and i are the exact same height, which is short (5'3").


8. spencer is distraught that jacob is leaving new york. best friend love :(

9. a very young man named joe roberts is the best planker i've ever seen. (pics? screencaps?)

10. mike kitchell has the best hair. the best. hair. stealin' the show :)

May 28, 2011

just had the keutest convo ever with my son :)


my son does some really cool stuff, like this and this and this and this and this!!!

we are an affectionate family :)