it is good to have a cat

holding a cat in your arms is one of the best experiences you can have. they are soft, they purr onto your chest, you can put your face into their fur or against their head, and you can pet them while you talk to them. sometimes cats don't like to be picked up but if you can find one who does, you can bet you will have a good time. you may find a cat who likes being picked up sometimes but not other times. it can be very hard to gauge whether a cat wants to be picked up until you do it, so if you pick one up be prepared to read the warning signs. if the cat squirms, claws you, cries out, or hisses you should let the cat down gently onto the ground and back away. under no circumstances should you put your face within biting distance of the cat or try to force the cat to like what you are doing by holding onto them tighter. backing away is also important because the cat may try to claw your ankles in retaliation. cats are very good at telling you when they don't like what you are doing. other cats may not have liked being held when they were young, but now that they are old and weak they enjoy it very much. if you find a good cat for holding, pick them up under their front legs and scoop them toward your chest. remember to use one hand to cradle their hind legs as no one likes to dangle. you can prop their front paws on your shoulder or upper arm and use that same arm as a ledge for their feet. then your other hand is free to hug, pat and stroke the cat while your face nuzzles them. your cat may begin to get bored while you do this, so jiggling the cat like they are a human baby or bringing them toward fascinating objects such as windows, birds, or sometimes other humans can prolong the time you have with your cat before they begin to squirm. if you want to get a bit creative, try holding your cat as though they are a human baby, on their back. with this method, you will often have to cradle them with both arms. this method gives you a nice view of your cat's belly and allows you to look into each other's eyes but does not allow for too much cuddling and petting. gently rocking your cat while cradling them in this position can allow your cat to become a surrogate for a human baby. some humans and cats like this form of roleplay very much. whatever you find your resulting relationship to your cat to be, you can see here that the benefits to holding a cat in your arms far outweigh the costs. i want to encourage you to go out and hold a cat right now. i have done it, and my day has been made better as a result.

of note: 8/25/2012

1. watched tiny furniture, had only seen the last ~30 min before, why is lena dunham's life so eerily relatable, why does every girl (between ages 22-28 maybe) feel this way, seems like we're all fucked
2. why is jemima kirke so cool, how does lena dunham know everything, why is david call so dreamy, guess what i am a tiny baby 12 year old writing in my diary
3. in my room there is a full, floor-to-ceiling bookshelf with three stacks of books piled in front of it, 8 moving boxes full of books, and 3 other small stacks of loose books, also the only bookshelf i brought back from my apartment is now almost full and is in the next room, also i already gave jackson a bunch of my books that he brought home with him, i can't have any more books someone needs to physically stop me from books like separate me from my books although it might be nice to die from being beaten to death by a bookshelf like that person in howard's end
4. just noticed my dad's bongos are on the very top of my bookshelf, some other good finds include an early edition of little bear, a copy of oliphaunt, and a drum stick from some band i listened to in high school that i was probably really excited about catching
5. who hurls drum sticks into crowds of teens i mean what even
6. i yelled at a baby in a restaurant tonight for being a baby, that would probably make a good tweet
7. my hair is a complete mess, life's bleak

of note: 8/23/2012

1. someone told me today that they felt 'super awake', seems like i have never been/never will be super awake. contemplating taking a nap, it is 8 pm
2. had a dream last night that jackson and i survived an emergency water landing in a plane, it was like super easy to do, but then they took us to this convention center or something with all these other plane crash survivors and the 5th grade bully was there, but like grown up. she was still bullying people. i gave her a bloody nose and jackson told me that was uncalled for
3. when i went to the gym, a girl who looked a lot like the grown up version of the 5th grade bully got on a stationary bike diagonally in front of the machine i was using and stared at me for my whole workout, kept playing out some like sitcom scene in my mind where she approaches me after i finish and tells me she's sorry for everything and how like in the sitcom we would have made up and become buddies but felt there was a significant chance i'd just punch her irl, like, felt a lot of internal aggression toward this person who may or may not have been the 5th grade bully. avoided eye contact with her when 'wiping down' the machine and walking away, guess i won't actually punch the bully
4. looked at a lot of articles on just jared and tmz, just like kept clicking from one to the next, felt like i really did want to know how big big sean is, what ke$ha looks like in a high-waisted bikini, and where prince harry had been playing strip poker
5. went to the dentist today, he's my next door neighbor and he always asks about my writing, i always forget how interested he is, seems super nice. he said (re: my thesis) 'it's not about a dentist who lives next door to you and is also a serial killer, is it?' i said no, that's my next one and he laughed a lot and called me 'sneaky'. real cute, but also maybe like 5% scary.

of note: 8/22/2012

1. went to an organized writing marathon today, not really i guess, was just a few friends who wanted to get writing done and decided to do it together and then drink wine after
2. two of the people i was with told me jackson and i weren't cute any more, we're just a normal couple to them now, we have reached our quota for novelty/cuteness hehe
3. 'the ravenous audience' by kate durbin came in the mail, real scary/cool cover, kind of scared to leave it by my bedside due to women on the cover with long black hair contorting their bodies in nightgowns 'the ring-style'
4. watched american psycho with jackson for date night, his dad is reading my copy of the book right now and said in there patrick bateman gets manicures, jackson just held up his fingers and said 'dun dun dun' and then joked about his mum making room for me in the closet (jakey, halp! eee)
5. have been forgetting to tweet lately, need to 'get on my grind'
6. some things i have read lately: best alt lit short stories, '(whatever shit is raw)' by ana c, 'thank u for touching me' by marie calloway, 'having a coke zero with you' by lk shaw, 'having a coke with you' by frank o'hara, 'how to date a browngirl, blackgirl, whitegirl, or halfie' by junot diaz
7. there's a big ol pimple on the inside of my nostril, folks

of note: 8/19/2012

1. am currently lying on my back in bed with my laptop on my tummy, it is almost 4 am, i feel very sleepy
2. am wearing an old jersey/'singlet' of jackson's he gave me when i visited him in december-january. remember when he wore it in a series of semi-nude photos he sent me before we met irl, sometime last year.
3. have been/am on skype with jackson for the past 7 hours. things we have accomplished while on skype: made 'mugshot' versions of ourselves via bbcamerica.com/cooper, discussed visual details of forthcoming collaborative ebook, jackson ate lunch and dinner, i ate a snack, read aloud and laughed at old rejected submissions to UP circa january 2012 (this is very mean, i do not recommend repeating it), talked about sex, showed jackson my boobs, played text twist, watched 'lil bitch' and 'lil bitch 2', read and discussed 'poem in which words have been left out' by charles jensen, talked about christian bok, looked at each other's poems
4. ate 'taro' flavored frozen yogurt today, it was light purple and v. cute, tasted yum like starchy coconut, found out later it is a root samoans eat that makes them 'big and strong' (read: obese), calories/fat/carbs in the frozen yogurt i ate were very low, feel confused by this
5. think my back is finally better, have been experiencing stabbing/radiating pains in my lower back since mid-july, friends asked me tonight how it was doing before we did a walk and i can honestly say it didn't give me any trouble, feel 85-90% okay as opposed to feeling only 50-60% okay earlier this month, never went to a doctor/chiropractor though i thought about it a lot lol, think daily yoga stretches and regular exercise have helped me get to where i am now without needing a professional opinion :)
6. did a series of self-portraits for tumblr where i put my face on a total of 9 men's faces circa 1864

of note: 8/18/2012

1. woke up at a normal time but didn't get out of bed until 3 pm because i felt hungry
2. didn't do much of note today, spent most of the day watching house hunters international with my dad, reading grow up outside on the deck, and going to dinner at an 'asian' restaurant called jasmine that is located in a strip mall.
3. when we did the part of the meal where we put everything in to go boxes, dad put his in upside down and then tried to 'flip it' when it was dripping all over the plastic bag, ended up shooting sauce from his mixed vege entree all over his own shorts.
4. my fortune said 'your home will be visited by good health and wealth', mom's fortune said 'a banker is someone who lends you an umbrella on a clear day'.
5. door to the bathroom was open with no lights on, walked past and saw my dad doing a sitting down pee
6. jackson and i are both sick. we have been on skype for 6 hrs 10 min and 59 seconds.

super big retrospective!! of note: 8/15 - 8/17

1. have been spending a lot of time feeling alternately overwhelmed and ecstatic about the creative writing class i'm teaching in the fall, have been manically adding/deleting readings from the syllabus

2. right now, internet writing from blake butler, socrates adams-florou, xTx, frank hinton, shane jones, mel bosworth, ana c. and richard chiem, sasha fletcher and daniel bailey, chad redden, russ woods and steve roggenbuck is included alongside 'classic ass bros' like ernest hemingway, lorrie moore, nabokov, updike, david foster wallace, joe brainard, allen ginsberg. seems good.

3. i have read and reread a whole lot of really good things by these and more writers and maybe will spend time making a list of what i most enjoyed but right now i am feeling too hungry to do that

4. basically all of 8/15 was spent doing things to 'craft' my syllabus, 8/16 was a mix of doing syllabus and doing things irl like going to the gym, and 8/17 i spent in washington, dc alternating between panic and euphoria

5. on 8/17 i got up at 8:00 am, drove to washington, dc and arrived at the state department at 10:45 am to get documents authorized. this is a really scary place. it is like a more cramped version of the dmv and a more insane version of the afterlife reception waiting room in beetlejuice. many people seem to know each other here and come here a lot. this seems very bad and scary. the room is v. long and narrow with chairs in rows of three against one side wall and a place to form a line against the other. the door is the back wall and a row of plexiglass windows with women behind them is the front wall. once you have your forms filled out, you stand in line until a plexiglass woman calls you up and takes your forms and gives you a number. then you sit down between two strangers and wait. they stop giving numbers at 11:00 am but continue to authorize forms until each number has been addressed. i read 'grow up' while waiting for ~1.5 hours for my documents to be authorized. while i was waiting, the nice/trim ethiopian man next to me was replaced by a larger smelly man who slept on my arm and apologized for  jabbing his elbow into my upper arm whenever he woke. while i was waiting, a man experiencing substance-induced psychosis with symptoms resembling paranoid schizophrenia attempted to pay for his authorized documents by digging through his pockets to produce ~25 crumpled $1 bills. while digging, he was also attempting (unsuccessfully) to balance and hold 1 big gulp cup, 1 subway soft drink, 2 wrappers from subway, a fedex envelope, and his returned documents via a series of 'juggling moves'. he became increasingly frustrated by these unsuccessful attempts and began to throw his personal belongings onto the ground/at the walls. his 'acquaintances' called out to him repeatedly and told him to stop this behavior, as he was in the state department and 'smelled like alcohol'. one of them approached him and tried to calm him down by collecting/counting the money and giving it to a plexiglass woman while the high person paced up and down the length of the room. this would have worked i think if the man hadn't banged into the trash can, upsetting his balance and causing him to grab his money from the acquaintance, shout 'i don't trust you' and return to throwing things. during this experience, the plexiglass women stopped calling out numbers. a middle aged middle eastern man in a suit who had been ahead of me in line when i arrived took photographs and video footage of these events while the high person's acquaintances questioned the legality of the middle eastern man's activities. eventually we had to evacuate the room after the plexiglass women called the police. then they brought him outside, brought us back in, and locked him outside. after the police arrived, the plexiglass women returned to authorizing documents and calling out numbers.

6. after going to the state department, i had to mail the documents, and then i had ~5 free hours until my friend's party in columbia heights. i spent this time driving to my 'regular' nail salon in georgetown, which was closed for the week, driving to an alternate nail salon and getting a shitty manicure, eating sushi at dean and deluca, driving to dupont and having coffee/working/skyping jackson at soho coffee & tea, buying alcohol, and then driving to columbia heights

7. at the party, i met a cat named carmine, had a lot of really good food prepared by my friends, drank the maximum amount of alcohol i could to still be able to safely drive home to maryland, and talked to my friends from my program about both grad school-related things and personal things (basically 'catching up' from a summer apart). it felt very good and relaxing to be around these people again, wish we had done things throughout the summer but then maybe we would have less to talk about now, idk. feel good about going 'back to school' and seeing them a lot more in the near future.

8. in the next week, i will participate in a dentist appointment, an optometrist appointment, a possible hair appointment, an organized writing marathon incl. other humans, multiple unorganized writing marathons by myself, a date night with jackson, a possible shopping experience and a possible second night in a row of socializing (tonight 8/18)

of note: 8/14/2012

1. i accidentally deleted my draft from 8/13 so i am ignoring that day, that day didn't exist
2. went to ukazoo (bookstore) to look for anthologies to teach with, felt nervous/anxious walking in and remember thinking 'i am getting awkward again, i was so much better last year, living at home makes me scared of everyone'. had to ask a cute black guy with glasses where the anthology section was, he was really nice. felt really calm and like 'in' my body while doing a kneel on the floor to read all the titles in the anthology section. picked up 'the norton anthology of short fiction: shorter third edition' for $3.99 and 'mondo barbie' for $4.49. saw 'there is no year' and 'bed' in the fiction section. looked for more used books because of buy 3 get 1 free deal but all the other books i wanted were new, left with just the two. felt good to know megan boyle worked there and liked working there.
3. read a 'digital galley' copy of buttercup's novella 'treees' (as stephen michael mcdowell) while on skype with jackson while he was reading it too. did a blurb together.
4. conversation with jackson: 'we're cool baby' 'we most certainly are' 'do cool people say that they're cool?' 'only the coolest ones' 'cool'
5. there is a lightning storm happening outside. jackson and i are about to watch 'funny ha ha' on skype. it is 'date night'.

of note: 8/12/2012

1. last day in annapolis was a perfect pool day incl. lunch, lounging, and swimming laps during adult swim. found some ppls hairs in my swimsuit when i showered after but hey, nothing says swimming pool like other people's filth

2. spent probably a total of an hour checking my freckles for signs of melanoma

3. finished reading 'the outsiders' today and did a cry, probably only about 20% as hard as when i read it as a preteen but still, i impressed myself. MAYBE I STAYED GOLD!

4. really freaked out about the olympic closing ceremony, good job britain thanks for producing some good music through the ages and giving birth to john lennon, david bowie, annie lennox, freddie mercury, eric idle and the spice girls

5. 'liked' this reblog on tumblr: 'i wanna live in an cozy apartment where it rains a lot and it snows and i live near a coffee shop and read books all the time and fall in love with someone' via hercoralcloset, post has 71,114 notes

BONUS, did this tweet:

of note: 8/11/2012

1. funny how what you read as a kid sticks the hardest in your mind, even stuff you don't realize til you're rereading 'the outsiders' and finding material you lifted and dumped directly into the manuscript you're working on now, fifteen years after you first read the book
2. i wonder if we're all writing from the kids inside of us, or if maybe just the dumb or lucky ones of us are doing that
3. jackson's mom got him a black turtleneck and it makes him look like either a mime or someone trying to look french. he's threatening to buy a beret and 'other french looking clothes'
4. had a dream last night that my parents saw me cybering jackson by peering into my room via a glass panel above the door like the one i had in my bedroom in my old apartment in washington, dc. [editor's note: did it anyway today]
5. had another dream last night in which jackson had a vagina

of note: 8/10/2012

1. wearing ck 'in2u' always makes me feel nostalgic for italy because i bought it when i was living in florence as an undergrad
2. did shopping today, got a white cropped blouse from new zealand-born designer rebecca taylor and a longish red tulip-hem skirt
3. did a swim today, 'getting back into it' so i set a goal of 20 laps and ended up doing 50
4. i don't know how to interact with little kids besides smiling at them and waving and maybe saying 'hi' or 'hello'
5. towns with french names always sound charming (basing this decision off reading guillaume morissette's interview for creepy faggot magazine)

of note: 8/9/2012

1. spent the day sailing and then lounging by a pool, greetings from annapolis
2. my face is legitimately made of the softest skin you could ever imagine
3. i am an elm tree
4. there is currently enough food on this boat to last us 3 years, there are four boxes of rice alone in here, how did all this food get here even
5. remembered a dream i had from 2-3 nights ago where i was in a city with my parents and my mom and i were having lunch on the roof of this skyscraper while my dad was busy down in the city doing something else, when we see this boxy, low-flying plane clip the top of a skyscraper (like the needle of it os) and the top comes off and hits another building and it like tips over and hits the next one, and the next one, and it's like dominos, and soon we know the building next to ours is gonna hit us, and my mom and i are holding hands and i'm saying 'we're gonna die' and she's telling me we don't know that for sure, but i can feel it in my gut and i close my eyes, and then the building is moving sideways and falling and then i open my eyes, and i know my mom is dead even though i can't see her face and i'm too scared to look, and everyone is dead, and i go down maybe 120 floors and only find 4-5 survivors and there are just all these bodies everywhere, and when i get to the ground floor both of my parents are there, like my mom's back and alive and there's this small group people and it's the end of the world and the zombies are coming, and our leader is telling us we have to get out of the city and into the woods because they'll be here in half an hour, and we have to grab clothes from our suitcases that will be good for walking 100+ miles per day in, and i woke myself up from the stress of trying to find the right outfits for that, like i just don't have the right kind of clothes for that in my regular closet let alone a vacation wardrobe

of note: 8/8/2012

1. spent a good portion of the day packing/preparing the boat for a sail tomorrow, will be gone sailing until at least monday (in any given harbor, sometimes there is internet and sometimes there is not. it is important to try to 'go with the flow' with this haha.)

2. see where the tide takes me lol

3. ready for the olympics to be over, shut it down london

4. read 'james ganas was my best friend and im sorry he died so young of cancer' by james ganas. was an enjoyable experience. if someone had presented 80-95% of these poems to me and told me they were written by steve roggenbuck i think i would have believed it. i don't mean that in a negative way, but i can see how it could be perceived negatively.

5. sometimes when i respond to emails for UP Literature i feel like i am playing a role. like i am a little shit who is also too nice for you to get mad at for rejecting you or asking you to change things abt your submission. this is a really fun role to play that i recommend trying and also could probably be satisfying as a 'personality type' if i could pull it off irl.

of note: 8/7/2012

1. no matter how early i wake up, my parents will always have been awake for at least five hours before me
2. feel like i want to 'break into' the farmers market 'scene'
3. dad, overheard talking to the tv: "'Positivity', hah. Is that even a word? 'Positivity'." (asked him later if he was being serious, he said "Yeah! I've heard of positive, I've heard of positively. What in the world is positivity?")
4. i think the positivity(lol)/negativity of my gym experience is in direct proportion to how few/many people are also in the gym, with 0 other people being optimum for pleasure
5. a real life example of what jackson and i fight about: 'you have such a good face' 'it's not as good as your face' 'yours is better' 'yours is' 'you have the best face' 'you have the cutest face' 'you have the prettiest face' 'you have the cutest pretty face' 'you have the prettiest cute face'

of note: 8/6/2012

1. worked on revising my english 101 syllabus for the fall semester all evening/night last night so this is pretty late, don't worry i slept i'm just writing it now
2. things always take longer than you expect them to. jackson says tasks will usually take the amount of time you have for them, he was quoting or paraphrasing someone and i probably got some of that wrong so i'm not sure if what i just said even resembles what he meant originally. also (case in point from the future (8/7): my mom just walked into my room with a list of groceries in one hand and a diet coke in the other to read me the list and see if i wanted to add anything) living at home with your parents makes everything take longer because they love you and want to talk to you all the time, especially when you appear busy.
3. think i will always remember the summer of 2012 as one of my happiest times but also as the summer my body turned against me via a string of mild-moderate heath problems that so far remain self-diagnosed and self-managed/cured including lactose intolerance and lower back pain, just seems like every time i start to figure out and overcome one type of physical discomfort a new one appears
4. every time i go to the wholefoods in mt. washington i see another shop i want to stop into (charm city cupcakes, uncle wiggly's) but by then i'm too tired of buying food to stop and actually go in
5. read 'measure my waist with a measuring tape in a car park on a hot day (and i will try my best not to write a poem about it)' by lk shaw, really liked the design of it, diy, irl, kewl

of note: 8/5/2012

1. man on the stair master at the gym had these arms that could have been cut from marble, his skin was literally glistening, i stared at him for way too long, couldn't look away, kept thinking 'why aren't you on tv, why are you here and not in london'
2. started raining right as i got home today, has been raining all evening and night, seems like a real good/comforting rain
3. had 4 'steps' to the revision process for my thesis draft due september 1, finished step 2 today :)
4. i feel very tired, but in a satisfying way, feels earned
5. had time to relax after working today, finally got to read 'dear dj' by mason johnson. got really excited to read this via hype and cuteness involving editing process/cassandra gillig, was not disappointed, was a real cool ebook. things i still want to read: 'american idle' by jae dyche and patrick trotti, 'i imagine you in your house, cleaning your chest' by sarah jean alexander, things by mike bushnell and buttercup mcgillicuddy that they gave/sent me to read

of note: 8/4/2012

1. video is the encapsulation of everything i love about kiwis, and hopefully also my future children
2. you could call my current look 'outdoorsy' but really those lumps and bruises you see are the result of me getting trapped in a car full of mosquitos, falling up an escalator, and body checking the easel in the upstairs hallway
3. mom has taken to calling my writing projects 'papers' as in 'good luck on your paper'
4. had to stop writing to literally bask in the sun's warmth coming through the window, getting to look out my window see nothing but trees/sky/sun every day is worth everything i whine about and more

5. keep hearing something that sounds like a chainsaw coming from outside, it is dark out, not really sure if i'll live through the night

of note: 8/3/2012

1. when i agreed to go to dinner with parents tonight, mom suggested i come 'dressed like that' i asked 'in my pajamas with no bra?' and she said 'no, i guess not'
2. at dinner, dad said 'jackson should play basketball with that body' (as if this is revolutionary, and also knowing jackson's history with the sport), i said 'he did play basketball', he said 'no, i mean, he still should', gave him my best 'fuck you' face
3. think i have spoken a maximum of 50 words today
4. calmly staring out the window over the roof watching the sun disappear through the trees in the backyard while i work
5. another influence for the novella i'm at work on has been the vashti bunyan album 'some things just stick in your mind', don't feel these influences consciously as i write but on a more subconscious level when i hear them after having spent the past two years with it

of note: 8/2/2012

1. dropped off 8 large black trash bags to goodwill today full of old clothes/shoes that had accumulated in my parents' house from my teen years, felt nothing
2. told jackson i have a crush on nathan adrian, he said 'damn'
3. top 10 movies i have seen for the first time so far this year: drive, moonrise kingdom, norwegian wood, antichrist, dancer in the dark, shame, grindhouse: death proof, martha marcy may marlene, blue valentine, to rome with love
4. during olympic swimming the 'take your marks... beep' at the start of each race still makes my palms sweat as if i'm in it (even though i haven't swam competitively in 6 years now, and real talk i never got anywhere close to olympic times)
5. did a little cry watching gabby douglas do her last routine before winning gold, keep thinking 'the gabbies are killing it this year' and 'she's the gabby gabby of the sports world'

of note: 8/1/2012

1. i think 'call me maybe' is the world's most effective anti-depressant
2. found an old student's tumblr from last summer, feel 100% certain that if she had come to my office to talk to me about odd future and kreayshawn (incl. in her reblogs on tumblr) and not to cry about the unfairness of her B+ grade i would have given her an A
3. every time i hear 'cashin out' by cash out i just want 2 chainz to do a remix
4. seems like sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band is a really influential text for the novella i'm writing, 'a day in the life' in particular
5. was issued a parking ticket in washington, dc* today by an officer who says she witnessed my car at 4:48 pm, seems difficult since i didn't park there until 5:26 pm (text message to jackson telling him i just parked seems bloody brilliant in retrospect)
* no, dad, i don't miss living there

today i have done this

1. used my alarm to wake up at 10 am, stayed up for 1/2 an hour then went back to sleep until 1 pm
2. did a workout on the stationary bike, discussed gym options with parents (they've agreed to fund 1 month gym membership before i can use the gym at umd)
3. went to get froyo at the mall with caroline hehe
4. got back to find a giant spider running along the side of my mom's car in the garage, called my parents on their home phone to come out and help me deal with it, dad 'raided' it until it died, here's a photo pretty sure it was a wolf spider and not a deadly brown recluse but i was pretty scared

5. definitely the biggest spider i've ever seen in a natural setting
6. when i called my mom thought i was being attacked by an intruder because on sunday night 8 garages in my neighborhood were vandalized and all i said on the phone was 'come outside' repeatedly
7. worked for a few hours straight on my thesis (!!)
8. skyped/skyping jackson currently

9. ate/drank:
   - leftover thai food (tofu and veges, sweet chili sauce) with brown rice
   - homemade guacamole with tortilla chips
   - 1 can diet cherry coke
   - 2 bottles water
   - froyo (sweet coconut and raspberry, with blueberries, kiwi, strawberries and crushed reese's peanut butter cups)
   - hot pretzel with honey mustard
   - 1 glass white grape juice
   - 'heart to heart' kashi crackers with smoked cheddar
   - 1 glass apple juice

10. read:
   - finished 'chelsea chelsea bang bang' by chelsea handler before falling asleep last night
   - also the write up about frank ocean in the new yorker
   - and part of the article on fairy tales
   - and some other shit (guess it took me a while to get to sleep)
   - gabby gabby's blog post about getting a biopsy

11. listened to:
   - 'ryan seacrest' by lil b
   - how to dress well 'top tracks' youtube playlist
   - 'workout' playlist on youtube
   - various rap radio stations to/from caroline's house including first time hearing 'diced pineapple' by rick ross (feat. wale and drake)

12. watched:
   - ~4 hrs olympics coverage
   - 1 episode sex and the city (season 5)
   - day 1 of meghan lamb's 30 days 30 dances

today i have done this

1. woke up between 3:30 and 4 pm
2. texted jackson on his way to school
3. came down for a snack, watched some olympics with my parents
4. caught up on blog posts
5. did 4 loads of laundry
6. made my bed and the new guest bed
7. cat sat down on my computer, opened up spotlight and wrote 'ollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllk' before my dad moved her
8. had leftovers for dinner with my mom because preparing to go out to dinner had 'raised my father's pulse' too much so he went upstairs to sulk
9. as soon as i came upstairs he came down to eat, guess i did something offensive, idk
10. did some work on my thesis
11. was gonna skype jackson for an hour after his class but wifi at the library was restricted so he had to go to an internet cafe, got a half an hour with him instead
12. at the end of our conversation we congratulated each other on our efficiency of relaying information to one another during our skype time, feel really positive about this
13. took a photo of jackson at the internet cafe looking like an air traffic controller:

14. ate/drank:
   - 1 can diet cherry coke
   - hummus with sesame rice crackers
   - 1 glass water
   - 1 portion penne pasta with marinara
   - 1 piece cheese pizza
   - 2 portions greek salad

15. watched:
   - olympics
   - episode of 'kids week' jeopardy
   - final episode of america's next top model all stars (on hulu)

16. read:
   - 'grand piano' by beach sloth (shabby doll house)
   - submissions guidelines for shabby doll house and turtleneck press

17. notable:
   - been awake for 8 hours and it's midnight
   - want to go to bed early (1-2 am) tonight but still want to work on thesis and work out/shower
   - feel like if i go downstairs for any reason my parents will slow me down by at least an hour
   - feel like i don't want to live with anyone but jackson any more for the rest of my life lol, just 20 weeks until that happens lol

sunday i did this

1. woke up around 2 pm with jackson still sleeping on skype, muted the call and brought him/myself to the couch to watch the olympics with peterbd and buttercup
2. got some sweet .pdf .mp3 and .doc files from buttercup's computer before it crashed
3. sat around basically in the dark until 4:30 then ordered lots of sushi from hanami (see tweet for excitement level)
4. left shaun's house at 6, brought buttercup back to his house then drove home to my parents' house
5. pretty much just sat around watching the olympics all evening and then skyped jackson from 10 pm until i slept at 6 am (except for the 20 min when he ate dinner & i ate dessert and the hour when he went to netball)
6. photo i took on my phone of some friends party rocking on friday night:

7. ate/drank:
   - at least 5 glasses of water
   - 1 glass apple juice
   - 1 can coke
   - 3-4 pieces tofu with some kind of yum sauce he explained but i immediately forgot, sauteed by shaun gannon
   - vege maki sushi combo (4 each asparagus, cucumber, avocado)
   - 1/2 container miso soup
   - seaweed salad
   - 2 1/2 slices cheese pizza
   - 1 serving greek salad
   - 2 glasses water
   - 2 scoops neapolitan frozen yogurt with peanut butter
   - 1 glass milk

8. read:
   - jackson's short play for class
   - pdf ana c sent jackson about her/mike/jackson/me
   - some other things i think i forget

saturday i did this

1. went to sleep at 6 am, woke up at various times throughout the day to listen to shaun gannon, olympics commentary, etc. but didn't get out of bed (air mattress) until ~3 pm when we ordered food
2. have eaten a fair amount of eggs today
3. watched women's indoor volleyball, go team usa go destiny hooker (my idol)
4. everyone is sitting/sleeping in near darkness and near silence watching the olympics or their computer screens now, peterbd just sighed really loudly
5. been drinking water all night/day to combat headache
6. shaun gannon just fed me a glass of the best apple juice i have ever tasted
7. left for dinner in the city (dc) around 8 pm, had to drive to the metro then take the green line in to u street
8. fell walking quickly up the up escalator, bruised left hand and right shin (swelled up like a softball), somehow got away with it without anyone noticing or any jokes // my friends are dummy drunks
9. got dinner at jj's cheesesteaks (leonardo da veggie = real good vege cheesesteak) while watching mens swimming and gymnastics
10. went to a bar called local 16, idk
11. pluses: rooftop bar, got to have some real good conversation with peterbd and will bechtold, minuses: packed to the brim with normals, beers were $6 before tip
12. left and went to a bar called solly's where i could get pbr's for $3 and 'buck hunter safari' was the video arcade game, saw dj berndt play a 'bonus round' of this and really dominate (ladies he looks really eligible pumping a shotgun)
13. dj and adam walked like bernie:

14. went home on one of the last trains to greenbelt, got back at 3 am, oh then we went immediately to bed that's all that happened

15. ate/drank:
   - bagel with egg and cheese
   - 3 fries stolen from dj berndt
   - at least 6 cups water
   - 1/2 egg salad sandwich
   - handful of ruffle chips
   - pickle
   - 1/2 'leonardo da veggie' meatless cheesesteak with cheese whiz
   - cheese fries
   - medium diet coke
   - assorted alcoholic beverages

16. watched:
   - hours of olympic games coverage
   - my friends, being friendly
   - jackson on skype

17. didn't read anything that i can remember or do anything else of note

today i have done this

1. worked on my thesis for a couple of hours today
2. going to a party tonight, not sure how seriously it is themed around the olympic ceremonies, excited to find out
3. doing a quick skype with jackson while he eats breakfast and i type this before i leave for the party
4. might be an abbreviated version of what i do and eat today, who knows what's 'in store' for me
5. i am wearing a floral skirt

6. definitely gonna see 2 people from this photo tonight

7. read:
   - 'people i met in truck driving school' by megan boyle (vice)
   - 'the shrinking boundaries of being a (certain kind of) twentysomething' by richard lawson (the atlantic)
   - four poems by melissa broder (bomb)
   - 'melissa's meat heart (poetry q&a)' by peter moysaenko (bomblog)
   - 'the situation in american writing: blake butler' (full stop)

8. watched:
   - book trailer for 'revealing eden: save the pearls part one'
   - interview with megan boyle by seb som
   - 'daphnis + chloe' by stephen michael mcdowell

9. ate:
   - smart bacon, lettuce, tomato, avocado sandwich with mustard on double fiber bread
   - banana with nutella
   - 1/2 can diet cherry coke
   - 1 glass water
   - leftover pasta
   - leftover greek salad
   - 1 breadstick

10. literally so excited to see my friends tonight :)))))

today i have done this

1. woke up at noon as usual with all my covers wrapped around my body like a cocoon
2. read 'the cheater's guide to love' by junot diaz on the floor in the sunroom on my stomach while eating muesli
3. wrote three new poems, sent four poems to gabby gabby and jacob steinberg
4. tried to work out on the treadmill, it wouldn't start, parents ~15 year old treadmill has broken finally, used the stationary bike instead
5. too broke to join a gym, too hot outside for me to feasibly run outside, any out of the box suggestions for places/ways to run in/around phoenix, md right now hit me up
6. watched jacob steinberg on tinychat for ~2 hours instead of working on my thesis
7. documentation of the first time i ever went on tinychat (may 30, 2011):

8. ate/drank:
   - muesli with yogurt, strawberry, blueberry, raspberry, honey
   - 2 bottles water
   - banana with nutella
   - 2 glasses water
   - pasta alla neapolitana (basically penne with marinara sauce lol)
   - garlic bread
   - 2 helpings greek salad
   - 1 big glass white grape juice

9. felt really positive about my writing/productivity level writing for the first time in a while today
10. jackson is home from school now, gonna skype him now ok bye

today i have done this

1. today was real nice out, good day for a 'boat day'
2. mom woke me up at 10:30 am via asking me a series of questions from outside my bedroom door. note: this is a very effective if irritating way of rousing someone from a deep sleep, but be prepared for answers that don't have anything to do with the questions and/or provide more or less information than you were expecting
3. when we got to the yacht club (lol) there was no wind, decided to stay at the dock and 'enjoy the sun'
4. fell asleep inside the boat until ~3 pm, then came out and read 'chelsea chelsea bang bang' on the back deck of the boat
5. this is my one allotted 'beach read' for the summer (not really because i only let myself read one, just seems like i always read one and just one each summer)
6. got the book for 50 cents at a thrift store, down from the cover price of $25.99, jesus

7. ate/drank:
   - 3 bottles water
   - tortilla chips with tostitos brand cheese dip and salsa
   - 1 thai iced tea
   - 1 spring roll
   - 1 skewer tofu satay with peanut sauce
   - spice & dice cashew nut entree (with pineapple, veges, tofu)
   - 1 glass water
   - few bites from mango sticky rice dessert (real nasty)
   - few bites from mom's ice cream dessert (yum but boo dairy)

8. i am becoming lactose intolerant and haven't really wanted to eat all that much dairy this summer, specifically cheese. i real love cheese and this would be difficult if my tummy didn't swell up like a balloon every time i eat too much of it now. this aversion to dairy seems to have an equal and opposite reaction from my mother. i've decided to document this phenomenon here

9. dairy my mother offered me today:
   i. bagel and cream cheese
   ii. annie's brand cheddar bunnies
   iii. taco chips with cheese dip
   iv. pizza
   v. chocolate and almond ice cream in a chocolate shell with chocolate sauce

10. mom packed lunch for the boat (when i offered to pack my own she said we were already running late, didn't want to cause conflict). all she brought were tortilla chips, cheese dip and salsa. i ate some.

11. it may also be of note that my mom weighs approx. 95-100 lbs. seems surprising or something idk.

12. oh, also, dreams i recall having last night:
   i. jackson and i found a lot of small bumps like tiny pimples on our genitals, like probably a dozen each, spent a lot of time trying to self-diagnose and then figure out who 'started' it, though seems clear it would have been me if that ever happened irl (because of 'dating history', just kidding i've had my yearly checkups, i'm std free, yaay)
   ii. actually it was just that one dream for today, but gonna make this a daily thing too maybe

today i have done this

1. the dream continues
   a) the setup: jackson and i were on a caribbean vacation with some friends from my mfa program. we had to share a bathroom with one of my friends and her husband
   b) after swimming in the ocean all four of us went in to use the shower (this is not a sex dream, you'll see in...)
   c) the tub part of the shower overflowed onto the tile part outside but this was nbd. what was a bd (omg is this what peter'bd' stands for?) was when we discovered that dozens of small fish and marine life had 'camped out' in our suits while we swam and were now swimming around in the water in and outside of the tub with us
   d) slightly alarming were the 5+ 'puffer fish' included in this aquarium, but they seemed peaceful enough
   e) as i stood drying my hair, i started to notice some rather large fish 'appearing' in 'the mix'
   f) including a 'moray eel' with blue eyes and gigantic clear teeth (mutations?), which i watched circle my ankles and swim off
   g) this, i didn't like so much. naturally i scaled the bare fiberglass wall of the tub (climbing over all my friends to do so, survival of the fittest style) and 'hung' from the ceiling
   h) moray eel didn't appreciate my reaction. it circled around, ignoring everyone else to make a vertical leap out of the shallow water with jaw open intending to bite off my face
   i) it missed by a few inches but 'geared up' for strike #2. eel was getting p. furious at this point
   j) grabbed [or someone found and put in my hand] a full deer park water bottle containing solid ice to use as a weapon, a lot of clamoring from friends and jackson about how to best use this, i was still hanging from the ceiling at this point
   k) moray eel struck, i bashed the wall beneath me repeatedly with water bottle and missed, felt sure the eel had bitten off my face
   l) looked down and despite feelings of frustration and feeling 100% sure i missed the moray eel on repeated attempts at 'bashing' (via distinct feeling that the eel was laughing at me) saw magenta colored blood smeared across the wall below me, the water bottle and all of the other walls
   m) looked in the mirror, face was still intact, woke up in disbelief
2. with dreams like these who needs to write
3. watched two fawns taking a snooze in the backyard behind the vege garden this afternoon
4. one more person 'added into' my creative writing course, please sign up, i am a gr8 instructor
5. made this:

6. tonight is date night with jackson, we're gonna watch shame on skype

7. read:
   - no, not today by jordan stempleman, did a goodreads review
   - a lot of posts from frances dinger's blog on sustainability (http://to-put-it-simply.tumblr.com/)
   - 'best of baltimore' article in baltimore magazine, august 2012 issue

8. listened to:
   - beach house (had forgotten but remembered today via 'best of baltimore' article in baltimore magazine that i was friends with alex scally 'irl' between 2002-2004 pre-beach house, like he and my friend becky and this other guy and i would go to 'panera bread' together or shows in teens' basements until his friend asked me out for valentine's day and then flaked out and we stopped hanging out together lololol)
   - oh god, it's all coming back to me, like the time his friend's mom picked us up and spoke to us 'in tongues' because becky asked her to because he told us that she did that sometimes
   - would 'reveal' his friend's name but i have forgotten it (maybe 'justin'?)
   - pretty sure becky knew them from her church group
   - seems entirely possible also that there are multiple alex scally's with brown hair from baltimore, alex scally from beach house would have been ~19 when we were 14, jesus
   - reviewed becky's friend list on facebook and yea, definitely a different alex scally, damn, disappointing, the one we were friends with is definitely 'worse for the wear' (wanna keep pretending i was friends with 'the real' alex scally but this seems embarrassing)
   - did know 'the real' all time low in high school, idk, is this cool

9. ate/drank:
   - 1 can diet cherry coke
   - hummus sandwich with shredded carrot, lettuce, tomato, avocado on 'double fiber' wheat bread
   - assorted fries/onion rings from leftovers of parents' dinner last night
   - 1 glass water
   - 6 'low fat' ravioli with tomato sauce
   - 2 pieces garlic bread
   - salad, small amount probably
   - 1 'big' glass milk with ovaltine
   - banana with nutella

today i have done this

1. woke up at 1 pm from a dream i had where i was at the airport saying goodbye to jackson, except instead of waiting outside of security and saying goodbye like what actually happened, my friend caroline who worked there (she doesn't, she works for under armour irl) snuck me past security through a series of secret passageways, except jackson didn't know where i was because my phone didn't get service in the secret passageways. when i finally got out of the passageways ~2 hrs later a few unexplainable things happened:
   a) i was on a ship
   b) i had found a group of 'jackson's friends' who were about to board a private jet
   c) he was still nowhere to be found
   d) when i left the friends to go back through the secret passageways to find jackson i stumbled upon a hidden network of children who slept in pea pods
   e) i found some doors and went through them and became kim kardashian waving to fans and getting into a limousine
   f) one of the fans had a gun and started shooting at me
   g) i had a very important mission to execute, i'm a little foggy on the details but suffice to say i had no problem using my bodyguards physically as human shields to 'achieve' this important mission
   h) i think i was succeeding but then i fell off the boat wrestling the assassin and woke up
   i) never did find jackson at the airport
2. woke up feeling really excited about the vivid colors in my dream

3. moved a lot of furniture around today, legitimately every piece of furniture in this photo. have a space for my desk and chair now you guys and it's set up in front of a window, i am sitting by a window right now, i am still dreaming i think
4. went to dinner with jen and caroline (friends since i was 11), they talk about working out a lot (jen is in med school, caroline is a personal trainer for under armour, it makes sense)
5. also we saw our high school gym teacher at dinner
6. did '01 Basic Yoga Workout for Dummies' (50 min, on youtube in 6 parts)

7. ate/drank:
   - 1 glass lemonade
   - 'smart bacon' blt with avocado
   - banana with nutella
   - 2 'big' glasses water
   - cucumber and seaweed salad
   - avocado, cucumber, asparagus roll (with soy sauce and wasabi)
   - frozen yogurt (sweet coconut and plain tart with strawberries, blueberries and raspberry filled dark choc cups)
   - 1 bottle water

8. interacted with:
   - jesse prado
   - jacob steinberg
   - mike bushnell
   - jackson nieuwland
   - jen and caroline (irl)

9. this weekend i'm going to dc to interact with a lot of people irl, i'm so excited, like already looking forward to it. seems big/good

today i have done this

1. didn't wake up at 3 pm today, so that was good

2. woke up around noon, sat in bed for a while doing internet things

3. made myself lunch

4. went to 'bed, bath and beyond', bought some shoe racks, used coupons

5. did a quick workout on the treadmill, getting faster/easier to go farther which is nice

6. also have been remembering to stretch before so that helps, not getting tight muscles

7. went out to dinner with my parents to this place up the street where we were the only people in the dining area, i think they were about to close for the night. a man about 25-30 yrs old (not our server) came out from the back and chatted with my parents for a long time, talking about the dark knight rises and popcorn and choc milk, shook my dad's hand at the beginning and end

8. they're friends i guess

9. he had a very long ponytail and a beard

10. he looked at me a lot and engaged me in the conversation, he was nice i guess, i felt itchy

11. today was jackson's first day of class :)

12. read

   - various things from ken baumann's list of published work, including an excerpt of solip on everyday genius (2009)

   - started no, not today by jordan stempleman

13. watched
   - momsbangteens.com (various)
   - 2 episodes frasier

14. ate/drank
   - 1 glass apple juice
   - orzo with tomato, basil and mozzarella
   - banana with nutella
   - 2 bottles water
   - 1 1/2 glasses diet coke
   - 3 spring rolls
   - greek salad
   - 2 scoops frozen yogurt (neapolitan, with fresh strawberries and peanut butter)

15. gonna skype jackson now

today i have done this

1. went to sleep at 3 am, woke up at 3 pm
2. it was a productive day
3. spent most of the today sorting and cleaning my room, finally finished!!! this felt like a workout so i didn't do a real one
4. found out mel gibson played john smith in pocahontas
5. made this macro:

6. read:

   - Lily Dawn http://www.unrealityhouse.com/the-television/
   - finished Best Behavior by Noah Cicero, did a goodreads review

7. listened to:
   - Megan Boyle interviewed by Brad Listi http://otherpeoplepod.com/archives/206 (had listened to this before, around when it was posted)

8. watched:
   - Dead Midgets http://vimeo.com/34131424
   - 2 episodes Friends
   - 1 episode Seinfeld

9. ate/drank:
   - 2 glasses lemonade
   - fig goat cheese and triscuts
   - extra garlic hummus and seaweed rice crackers
   - choc covered peanuts
   - 1 glass water
   - vege stir fry with brown rice
   - 1 glass white grape juice
   - 1 hot pretzel with honey mustard

10. weather here was poopy, didn't leave the house today. feel like i'm getting used to living indoors, seems nice to be a recluse. thought 'bring it on, bitch' re: emily dickinson

today i have done this

1. feeling pretty tired
2. skyping jackson, asked him 'what should i say', he succinctly listed the things i did today but i immediately forgot his list
3. went to bed at 6 am last night, woke up with an alarm at 12:20 pm
4. saw the dark knight rises today!!! seems like a good movie to watch if you need to feel motivated to prepare your body for extreme physical challenges, or like if you want to get in shape hehe, also seems good for your mind for the same reasons (jax referred to this as the 'want to work hard' i think)
5. biked 12 miles on the crazy basement bike today, took a photo of it:

6. dad had set up the tv from my apartment to the right of this photo (on the adjoining wall) but sometime in the past 48 hrs it broke, spent some time before the actual fitness part of my workout recovering another discarded tv to use in its place
7. stayed up pretty late having a talk with my mom about stressors of the home environment, lol

8. ate/drank:
   - hot chocolate
   - 1/2 size vegetable salad at california pizza kitchen
   - 2 bottles water
   - 2 slices margarita pizza from california pizza kitchen (stolen leftovers from dad's lunch)
   - remainder of garden salad (stolen leftovers from parents' lunch)
   - 1 can diet cherry coke
   - 2 scoops frozen yogurt (neapolitan and choc marshmallow) with raspberries and honey

9. read:
   - http://www.vice.com/read/boyles-brains-weight-loss-tips-that-have-actually-worked-for-me
   - http://everythingisfantastic.com/post/27666279146

10. didn't really do much else today, have skyped jackson twice (we're on skype now but just kind of typing our own things at the moment, will 'check in' with him to see how/what he's doing when i'm done here hehe)
11. planning to get work done on my thesis/other 'real work' tomorrow, seems challenging but exciting like i'm ready for it
12. browsed about/ looked at maggie lee's daily blog post then said out loud to jackson 'i think that's enough for tonight', he said 'cool'

today i have done this

1. this post is way later than the rest of the posts i've done
2. wish i were sleeping but feel like i'm doing 'important tasks' (this, lol, and was setting up a new wordpress site)
3. woke up earlier than usual (11 am) but sat in bed for a while before 'getting the day started'
4. had lunch
5. got on the internet
6. got on treadmill for half an hour
7. showered
8. went out to dinner with caroline (real good friend since we were 11 yrs old)
9. came home
10. skyped jackson before he met up with alice, stacey, willis
11. watched batman begins

12. ate/drank:
   - 1 glass lemonade
   - 2 tofu dogs with ketchup, mustard, relish
   - 1 ear corn
   - assorted bing cherries
   - 1 bottle water
   - 1 really large glass water
   - 1 1/2 plates 'all you can eat' salad from salad bar
   - 3 'mini' corn muffins
   - 2 cups soft serve twist ice cream with choc syrup
   - 1 glass choc milk
   - handful 'chipotle honey roasted' peanuts from 'the peanut shop of williamsburg'

13. dramatic interactions with my parents:
   - when i came downstairs today my parents were gone and hadn't left a note. found all the doors locked and my dad's cell phone next to an empty pad of paper and a pencil, seemed like a clue. left a message on my mom's cell phone telling her it seemed like a clue. she called back in ~5 min to tell me they had been grocery shopping and were now pulling into the driveway
   - mom didn't want to let me use her phone charger even though it is compatible with my phone, told her i was in a hurry and asked to use hers, when i asked she grabbed it and said 'you can't use mine' and ran up the stairs into my room. when i asked her what she was doing in my room she said looking for mine. said 'give me the charger' and used hers, she 'warned' me that using it would destroy my phone 'because it isn't an lg' (it didn't)
   - mom told me to turn the volume down on batman begins (it was pretty loud) because my dad was sleeping. when i didn't she 'punched' the light switch (it is a push button) off in the next room and told me to 'do as she says'. didn't do it until she calmed down, seemed satisfying atm
   - this section is really stupid maybe
   - i am in hell lol (not really)

14. got on tinychat for ~5 min
   - felt anxious, didn't want to go on cam
   - feeling p. serious thoughts of 'well, i am alone again'
   - not doing too well i guess you guys

today i have done this

1. went to sleep ~6 am and woke up at noon
2. went downstairs for some breakfast, talked to my dad about him being mad because dogs poop and pee on his lawn
3. put some of my old clothes in large trashbags to give away while listening to an interview with scott mcclanahan
4. mom did something weird in the oven when she tried to get the food out for dinner, ended up dumping ~1/2 the curly fries into the bottom of the oven and burning her arm, dad yelled at her before he knew she'd burned her arm (was a real mild burn i think she's okay now, we gave her ice)
5. spending so much time with my family, aggh, idk, it's really not that bad

6. read:
   - ~30 pages of best behavior by noah cicero
   - http://thickjam.com/no-119 (hell fire by d.m aderibigbe)

7. listened to:
   - brad listi's interview with scott mcclanahan on other people
   - hey you by tyler, the creator and toro y moi

8. ate/drank:
   - 1 glass white grape juice
   - muesli (with strawberry yogurt, berries, honey)
   - 1 glass lemonade
   - 'boca burger' from freezer (on wheat bun with cheddar, lettuce, tomato, avocado, mustard and A1 sauce)
   - curly fries with ketchup
   - 2 bottles water
   - 3 choc covered peanuts (i might eat some more)

9. interacted with:
   - jackson nieuwland
   - d.m aderibigbe
   - shaun gannon (via twitter)
   - michael o'brien (via UP)
   - bill keckler (via UP)

10. notable things:
   - biked 10 miles on the stationary bike in my parents' basement while watching an episode of sex and the city. basement is finished and cool but currently full of my crap from moving. stationary bike is ~25-30 years old and has a fan like built into it in front of the pedals but the fan is sideways, have to manually adjust for mileage, no 'carb counting' or 'heart monitor' or anything fancy, also it has arms that move like an elliptical machine and these things you can stick your feet on if you get tired of pedaling. will take a photo of it for next time, seems like a confusing description.
   - third to fourth ingredient in my 'boca burger' was cheese, seems fucked
   - i have not left the house since monday but have plans to leave it tomorrow, also it has been over 100 degrees fahrenheit here yesterday and today so i don't really feel too bad about it

today i have done this

1. woke up at noon again
2. mom came in, agreed to have leftovers with her and dad for lunch. watched tv, probably family feud, while we did this, kind of zoned out
3. did a workout. 35 min on treadmill, alternating running with walking (getting 'back into it') and 25 min stretching and stuff like crunches
4. took me probably as long to find my workout clothes via not being fully unpacked from moving as the workout
5. had a shower. seemed like a very relaxing shower because i had it all to myself hehe (didn't start 'hardcore' missing jackson until preparing dinner today)
6. did some work on my art/cartoon project
7. made dinner for my family, tweeted a photo of the guacamole i made (notable: i have never made any before, just threw things together in the mortar & pestle, seems like it turned out pretty well)
8. skyped jackson (this is currently ongoing)

9. read:
- first page of junot diaz's story in the new yorker

10. ate/drank:
- 2 cans diet cherry coke
- medium lunch portion baked ziti
- rest of leftover greek salad
- 1 breadstick
- 2 bottles of water
- 1 indiv. pack trail mix
- 1 1/2 small burritos (vegetarian refried beans, sauteed red onion, wheat tortilla)
- handful tortilla chips
- 2-3 tablespoons guacamole
- 2 scoops chocolate frozen yogurt with 1 handful each strawberries, raspberries, blueberries

11. nobody chatted me today, but i had some 'interactions' on twitter

alien summer

1. had a dream that i was married to 'nicholas' (jackson with brown hair) and we got arrested and tried for being illegal aliens in the USA while staying at a bed and breakfast
2. we 'did it' while we were waiting to testify in a room with our lawyers and the other accused people, consisted of him pulling out his penis (definitely jackson's) and rubbing it between us. this made me instantly naked, which was awkward when the judge asked me an impromptu question while 'nicholas' was still on the stand, because i was struggling to put my shirt on (probably difficult because somehow i had put my bra back on outside of it, even though i definitely did that step first) and i had no skirt on
3. woke up really missing jackson, blaming it on this stupid dream

4. who's better, azealia banks or iggy azalea? trick question! they're both NOICE
5. i really like no doubt, idc if 'settle down' is a dumb song, i'm into it
6. try to catch me ever changing the station if 'just a girl' is on the radio, you won't!
7. gwen and tony were my dream couple when i was little, i believed in their love, they should have been together forever :(

8. 1990s gwen stefani will always be my fashion icon, that dress, that hair, those lips

today i have done this

1. woke up with real puffy eyes, like almost puffed closed. seemed odd in the mirror because i could see fine. put on cold compress for ~30 min.

2. got dressed and came downstairs, talked to dad (see quote by him on facebook if we are friends)

3. went to 'dunch' (lunch and dinner combined) with jen (real good person, been friends since we were 11)

4. looked at new submissions for UP (real exciting stuff you guys!)

5. sat on the couch with my computer while my parents watched tv, doing internet things

(girl look at that body)

6. chatted:
- jackson nieuwland
- walter mackey

- mike bushnell

- jacob steinberg

7. ate/drank:

- 1 glass pink lemonade

- 2 'big' glasses water

- edamame

- one veggie hand roll (cucumber, mushroom, bean)

- one garden roll (sweet potato, avocado, cucumber with tempura flakes)

- frozen yogurt (sweet coconut and plain tart with kiwi, strawberry, choc chips)

- 1 'small' glass milk

- red velvet cupcake

8. things i plan to do:

- look thru drawers, sort old clothes for selling and giving to goodwill

- work on current art project

- skype jackson

we spent a total of 6-8 hours apart in the past 1440 hours

1. face feels real puffy
2. watched jackson until his head disappeared down an escalator at the airport today
3. after i turned around, i imagined him getting to the bottom, turning around and coming back up and saying 'just kidding', but i didn't turn around because i didn't want to be disappointed
4. seriously considered going to vegas and getting married

5. been in kind of a coma since dinner
6. (dinner ended when i started weeping at the table)
7. (i haven't been crying that much i promise)
8. (i'm just sad)
9. gonna go upstairs and clean for a while before bed
10. pretty sure i forgot how to sleep alone

my head my head

guess what? this is making my head hurt today. the pain is twofold: 1) after drinking heaps of margaritas last night, no, the gigantic drums (of the steel and other varieties) at the trinidad & tobago embassy across the street from me do not sound nice and 2) i cannot go to any of these events because the person i would take with me to see these dumb embassies and their "stately mansions and exclusive compounds" does not arrive for 10 days. so fuck you, around the world embassy tour.

every time something exciting happens at the trinidad & tobago embassy they dress up like the above photograph and play drums and sometimes they sing hymns. life seems real awesome on these islands.